Having Parties to Look Forward to
Some sort of life philosophy, I guess
I’ve been planning a party. I assume you know this, since I won’t shut up about it.
It’s tomorrow night for my book release! In Brooklyn at LittleField, doors at 7, show at 8, you can still buy tickets! I’ve been fretting about this for about two months now. Will enough people come? How do I make it more fun? Should I decorate? What will I wear? Does everyone love me or really secretly hate me because I’ve been posting nonstop about this fucking PARTY?
But even if it stresses me out, I could never… not have a party. Ya know?
I get high off of party planning. Big party or little party, the thought of bringing people together gets me giddy. I want to bring people together so they can all talk to each other, but like, I don’t actually have to talk to them, BUT I get to be near them, and then eventually we all dance! Later everyone says “Hilary threw such a great party” and I get to feel really good about myself. Sometimes I think this is tied up in me being the youngest of four and wanting chaos around me so I can feel at peace. Sometimes I think I’m just bored. Because at the same time that I love parties, I also can’t wait for them to be over, like, immediately.
Or is the real reason that I always desperately need something to look forward to? My mother told me this was a key part of life when I was very young, and her father had told her that when she was young, and god dammit if they’re not wrong!
But I’m getting ahead of myself! Before the party even begins, I love to make party invites. Obviously this obsession began in the early Facebook years when we were all figuring out basic photoshop and learned how to crop our friends heads onto the bodies of the cast of True Blood. It felt like party invites could really be a statement of one’s personality. Maybe if I make the perfect, most ridiculous party invite, everyone will finally see how chill but also super unique I am…
Also as with everything, as soon as I send out a party invite I expect immediate compliments on what a comical genius I am.
The holidays are around the corner and with it comes my favorite activity of the season, “Randomly Buying Decorations I Don’t Need at CVS.” In another life i could be a really amazing house wife in the suburbs (cut to me drinking gin and tonics at noon), because I truly enjoy spending money on stupid shit. It’s usually Snoopy related and completely overpriced, but it makes me feel good. Yesterday I needed to get cash back at CVS so I could pay for our 4 PM Polish meal, so I bought a $5 Christmas Snoopy hand towel and honestly it’s just so cute it was totally worth it.
I love all holiday parties except for one. The cookie party. I think it’s rude as fuck. It’s like you’re asking me to gain weight? Like “Hi I brought all these cookies over, no, no, you keep them! I don’t want them! YOU KEEP THEM.” You clearly don’t want them, so why did you bring them here? If you want to stress bake snickerdoodles that’s fine, but don’t leave them on my doorstep to binge eat in the bathtub. I have my own brownies to do that! I’ve come accustomed to truly just throwing out most of the shit people bring over (learned this from my Aunt Sherry) unless it’s my Aunt Theresa’s homemade rice krispies cakes in which case, those are just really good.
Not all of us are great at parties and I respect them. I myself am actually not always great at parties. I mean I can’t lie, I usually am good at talking to people, but sometimes, ya just aren’t in the mood and then you say something totally off and you have to worry about it for the next six weeks. Here’s a toon about that that ended up in The New Yorker:
One of my old party tricks (lol I still do this on rare occasion!!) is taking baths. Yes, taking baths. In college I would get drunk and pissed off and even if the party was happening at my place I’d be like “That’s it I’m taking a bath.” And I’d sit in there bitter at the world, but so fucking cozy in warm water. I know you’re thinking “wow that’s dangerous and also really desperate!” I told you I don’t (really) do it anymore, ok!? Now I take baths at all hours of the day and I’m usually fairly sober in them.
I’m hoping that after tomorrow night I won’t have that classic New York moment where everyone you know cancels on your 5 minutes before your party, and I won’t feel the need to run to a bathtub to escape from the world, but if I do, it will be in a more celebratory way. Anyway, I hope to see you there to celebrate the release of Murder Book!
But if you can’t make it, I have a surprise!
Please join me this Wednesday evening for a True Crime Hotline LIVE on Instagram! This is the one and only evening I will actually be answering the True Crime Hotline. Can you believe? Call in to tell me your thoughts, your fears, your gossip!
9 PM EST - Dial 646-685-4573
Tune in on Instagram!
Thank you for reading! New posts every Friday!
ICYMI: I have a window display up at Desert Island Comics!
Song on repeat: Ingrid Michaealson’s Keep Breathing
Looking forward to watching: All the Christmas movies
Honestly hated: Last Night in Soho
Order prints and more on Etsy!
As always: Get your tickets for the Murder Book release party!