Hi Barbie!

Barbie Sex Rings and Product Placement

No surprises here! I saw Barbie on Monday night and I fucking loved it!!!! Don’t worry, I saw Oppenheimer on Thursday. Will we be celebrating Barbenheimer for years to come? Only the historians can know!

I straight up don’t understand any of the criticism behind Greta Gerwig and Barbie. After seeing the film, it made me feel like all the critics did not in fact… see the film. It’s one of the most intelligent, hilarious, and genius scripts I’ve ever seen come to life. I need to see it again immediately because I’m upset that I can’t remember all my favorite lines. My friend Beth informed me that she returned to the theater with a notebook and pen so she could take notes during her third viewing of the film. Have you ever heard of such… commitment?

This quote is so real it’s shook America to its core

Barbie obviously had me thinking of my youth and relationships towards all my dolls. I had Barbies, Beanie Babies, Care Bears, American Girl Dolls, Pound Puppies, Teddy Ruxbins and this freaky talking girl called Amazing Ally who was banished to my closet after scaring me too many times. The only thing they all had in common was that I made them had sex with each other.

I did not know what sex was, but I knew my dolls were having it. All the god damn time. I hid them in the closet to have sex, I put them in bushes to have sex. My playground was a feeding frenzy of horny toys and I was the dom, instructing everyone on who to make love to next. Making love of course just meant smashing themselves together and hoping for the best.

I assume you did this too, because my short survey from my girlfriends confirms, all young girls were forcing their toys into a sex ring. Also, because Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon) is the best character in the movie. Though they did not directly say that Weird Barbie was the deranged sex toy in the film (they only go as far as to say “she’s always doing the splits”), it’s obvious what she represents for the young girls of America.

What is the interest there for us gals? Is it simply because making them have sex seems “wrong” to do, or were we all in fact, horny children?

The only thing better than forcing my Barbies to have sex was to chop all their hair off.

We all have the haircut incident of our youth. The temptation is simply too great to ignore. What bothers me is my mom’s intense reaction because we all know Laurie still cuts her own hair to the day, even though her hairdresser yells at her every time she comes in! Thou doth protest too much, mother dear??

I’ve drawn several Barbie themed cartoons over the years. Whether they’re directly about the doll or about the culture surrounding it. It’s such an easy joke to work with, it’s hard to not have a few in your bag.

What I don’t understand is why a large part of the art community is criticizing Greta Gerwig for “selling out” to Mattel. The marketing campaign behind the film was obviously well funded and running quite rampant across America, but what she was actually able to accomplish with the script, and her roasting of Mattel with Will Ferrel’s character (and crew), was so incredibly smart—shouldn’t we be applauding her for exploiting their brand for us to all enjoy? And since when did we get so upset about great merch?

I think making fun of branding by using the branding itself is one of my favorite types of comedy. It reminds me that scene in Wayne’s World when they stop to do a bunch of product placement. Completely hilarious! I re-enact it with my siblings all the time.

I guess you could be shouting back at me, “Hilary, that’s exactly what capitalism wants you to do!” But I just don’t care. I’m so happy that Greta Gerwig is getting rich off the backs of Mattel and I truly hope they make a sequel. Like immediately.

I myself make a lot of branding jokes in my work, though sadly—no one has paid me for these specific cartoons…

Barbie and branding jokes aside, the reason Greta Gerwig’s masterpiece has struck such a chord with me and seemingly every woman I know is because of how honest and real the story was. The writing, the humor, the interactions, the contemplation of death, the horrible dating scenarios. For being about plastic, everything was so deeply human. It inspired me to comb through a lot of my old sketches and find stuff that I think resonates with the content in the film, so here’s a big ol’ truckload dump of feminist lady art shit:

---

Have you seen Barbie? Do you think I’m insane? Would love to hear your thoughts on the film!

I’ll leave you as usual with a recent list…

And! Where to catch me next! This weekend I’m back at Greenpointers Open Air Fair doing Pet Portraits! Come say hi! It’s dog weekend at the market, there will even be a pool for them to cool off in! BRING YO DOGGIES.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Real Live Girls returns next Wednesday with another amazing lineup! Please come for some FREE comedy!

Thank you for reading! New posts every Friday!

---

• ICYMI: I’m back on tiktok?? Follow me @cartoonasmr

• Reading: my friend

  New York Cartoons
  ‘s new book You’re Not A Parent Until!!!! Get yours immediately!!!

• Obsessed with: rearranging my apartment

• On repeat: Old Law & Order episodes

• Most of the cartoons in this newsletter are available on Etsy!

• Are you using your What Did I Do Today? journal? I would love to hear from you!