Little League World Series
Somehow I ended up here!!!
By the grace of God (and by God, I mean my dear friend and colleague Emily Flake!!) I am back at my favorite place in Pennsylvania, The St. Nell’s Humor Residency for Ladies. It’s in Williamsport, which also happens to be the home of The Little League World Series. Which is yes, something that exists!!!
I am (clearly) such a sucker for a parade. The rain made it even more exciting, plus it gave me the obvious option of singing Babs’ #1 tune, “Don’t You Rain On My Parade” in everyone’s face. Perhaps it’s the new baseball anthem?
I didn’t have time to draw every single float, but you can check out my videos on TikTok and Instagram for footage if you’re as obsessed with hometown wholesomeness as me. The only non-wholesome thing was the literal military presence, which I guess was “necessary” but left a bad taste in my mouth. My boyfriend and I watched an old racist cop (or just man in “uniform"?? Not sure of his authority levels) police young black children from grabbing candy in the streets way more than the young white children. It was so obvious and infuriating that I almost couldn’t believe it. But then again, I could—because—small town America!
Two days later, we headed to our first game — What I could call “A 5 o’clock showing of Japan vs. Cuba.” I was informed that this was Cuba’s first time being able to participate in the World Series, which was very cool for them. We drove up to the stadium, known as Volunteer Stadium, to find how wildly popular this was going to be. There was a long line of cars waiting to find parking in a sea of muddy grass, some free, some for $10 since it was on a person’s property and they weren’t going to miss an opportunity to make a buck. I was, what some might say, too excited to be attending a Little League game, but after spending most of this summer watching my nephew’s baseball games—I’ve gotten quite into the sport! And by into it, I mean, I know all the small talk to be made and I love the snack bar. But then, as we walked up and looked around the concession stands, I realized something. To my horror, there was no alcohol for sale.
And listen I get it. It’s a kids game, there are kids in attendance, it’s all kids kids kids. You can’t be touting “This year’s Little League World Series brought to you by Coors Light,” but you’re telling me, 20,000 people are expected to attend multiple children’s baseball games and not have a beer in hand?
P-S-Y-C-H-O-T-I-C.
I had no choice but to settle for a Pepsi and a large thing of kettle corn.
I really did have a hard time believing no one in that massive stadium had a little something on them. It’s just statistically impossible. I imagined some freaky teen trying to sell tiny fireball bottles in the bathroom out of a coat jacket. Though I probably imagined this because I wanted to find him. The security to get in was pretty tight though, you could only bring items into the games inside a clear plastic bag and there were no liquids allowed. How will I beat the system next time? Unclear, but believe me I will.
After sitting initially on the American side of the stadium (not on purpose), I realized the other side of the seating was much more exciting, because it was filled with a large number of extremely enthusiastic fans from Japan. I told my boyfriend James, we had to move. He agreed. And apparently, so did basically everyone.
Japan’s energy was infectious. They had beautiful sparkling homemade signs, catchy unique cheers, and were all in matching outfits.
The game was honestly pretty exciting. Kids were stealing bases, hitting well, and the pitchers had a fierce energy about them. My favorite players were the ones who dared to bunt.
If I ever played baseball, I know I’d be a bunter. The theatrics of it all! To do what is… so unexpected. There’s something deeply emo about it.
But in all honesty, the real entertainment for me was this guy who had the horrible job of raveling and unraveling the cord for the ESPN camera guy. I could not keep my eyes off him.
This poor soul was always in everyone’s way. Perhaps I identified with him because he had to keep apologizing to bystanders for existing. How deeply female of him! The camera guy was the ultimate alpha male, marching around with his piece, giving no one any warning which way he might turn and at what speed. He embodied the patriarchy, And his cord man had to simply be at his beck and call. Sometimes he’d get his cord totally tangled and the look on his face was pure panic as he’d attempt to whip the thick black cord back into form, up and down stairs, back and forth across the front of the aisles, keeping up with him. Every once in awhile, Master (camera man), would look back with confusion as if to say, “You can’t complete this simple task?” and cord man would wrap things up in a nice circle immediately. The pressure to perform was unreal.
Japan won 1-0. In the final inning I was saying things like “Come on boys, you just gotta hold ‘em” which is normal. I would’ve felt bad for Cuba if I wasn’t so goddamn into Japan. Is it ok to be this into Little League without having a family member on a team? James and I kept making pedophile jokes, because really, who cares this much about a young boys’ sport? The answer we learned is: so many people. The man next to us had driven in from Cincinnati simply because a team from his region was playing in the series. Color me, shocked!
Okay just one more pedophile joke. I was wondering, do you think the way people used to (derogatorily) say “no homo” in the 90s and 2000s, might by saying “no pedo” soon? Like, I love that kid, I mean, no pedo, but he’s just got something special about him.”
Ok I’ll stop!!!! Being around so much baseball this year, I find myself with more baseball gags than ever. Here’s a recent New Yorker reject…
And also of course, a list…
I will be attending more the LLWS games next week, hoping Japan stays in competition. Though I did spot a young girl on Texas’ team so if I end up having to root for them I’ll be very ok with it.
Before I come at you with more Little League content, you can find me back at Greenpoint Terminal Market this weekend for the Gold Dust Vintage Show! Come by Saturday or Sunday for your portrait (and obviously it says fashion cartoons but if you missed out on pet portraits earlier, I’m still doing those too).
Thank you for reading! New posts every Friday!
Listening to: Your Own Backyard podcast
Obsessed with: St. Nells!!
Can’t stop thinking about: a dream I had about Phoebe Bridgers teaching me line dancing for my birthday
Most of the cartoons in this newsletter are available on Etsy!
Are you using your What Did I Do Today? journal? I would love to hear from you!
And the incoming hurricane to California shared your name!