Good morning, good morning! I’ve never talked the whole night through!
It’s Friday again! How did the time pass? Slowly. Really slowly.
This week I am bringing you a vomit of sketchbook doodles and thoughts that have been percolating as I wade through my current life transition from girlfriend to single dog mom lady.
I’ve been sort of classically pondering my existence, while walking the dog in this oppressive heat, wondering, who it is that I am? Am I a young Diane Keaton, who will never marry, but adopt children at 50 and then get really into architecture? Or Am I a Demi Moore? Who will continually get screwed over by men, but also have a really great house in Idaho and write a best selling memoir after a major overdose? Perhaps I am more of a Goldie Hawn, looking for her Kurt Russell, who will always love her, but agree to keep separate houses. How am I ever going to fit this all into a dating profile?
I think it’s hilarious when people ask you, “What do you want?” If I knew the answer to that, wouldn’t I have already found it? A favorite memory of mine comes from my cousin Sophie, who was on break from Middlebury College, crashing on my couch. I don’t recall what prompted this, but she said, “If I knew everything that was going to happen to me, I think I’d just want to lay down and die.”
I want to be left alone, but I want to be loved, but I want to feel free, but I want to have someone make me dinner, but I don’t want to be told I what to do, but I do want to go dancing, but I don’t want to be touched too much, but I definitely want to be touched a little.
The weather is changing and that always hurts my feelings, because I hate change! On the other hand, my ex famously once said to me “For a woman who hates change, you sure have changed a lot.” And dammit if it wasn’t true. The best way to illustrate this point is this basic fact: In high school I used to strictly date football players.
One thing I know that will never change about me is the amount of time I spend talking to friends on the phone. It’s such a beautiful thing. I feel like I’m the most honest version of myself, blabbering on, without having to make eye contact, laughing until I cry, all the while trying to get another handful of cheez-its in my mouth. What would I do without my friends? Honestly, would have nothing to draw. Here’s a recent line from my friend Kitty that felt deeply poetic:
They’ve been filming a lot of Law & Order: Organized Crime in my neighborhood lately. Even though it’s the worst form of Law & Order (Sorry Chris Meloni), it’s a thrill to see the trucks roll in. I feel like kid in the candy store! It is my life goal to play a dead body on Law & Order, even if it has to be Organized Crime, and now, more than ever, I feel close to this goal. After stalking the crew the other morning, I finally made friends with one of the grips. He even gave Margie part of his bagel! What a guy…
This newsletter, quite frankly, has made zero sense. And I am okay with that. The sun is shining, The Pelican Brief is on, and I’m walkin’ around in my underwear. Is this what they call, living?
A recent list I made:
And finally, a New Yorker reject, to lead you into your weekend.
Thank you for reading! New posts every Friday!
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Song on repeat: Angie McMahon’s Slow Mover
A movie I’ll never step watching: The Pelican Brief
Obsessed with: Circus Animal Cookies, tbh
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